


the great cookie war of '19

by SleepyFubuki



Series: In This House We Believe In Dageism [6]
Category: Original Work
Genre: M/M, except this time the crazy is explained, madness as usual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:01:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25073569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SleepyFubuki/pseuds/SleepyFubuki
Summary: And this is why you shouldn't leave your husband and daughter alone at home, guys!or: do not force cookies upon a man who dislikes sweetness.
Series: In This House We Believe In Dageism [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1767790
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	1. with love from the cookies

**Author's Note:**

> I don't like sweet foods.  
> Sweet is overrated.  
> Salt is the true justice.
> 
> -Luka

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cookies, cookies, cookies...  
> This is one time they wish they didn't have more.  
> And so the madness begins.

Cookies. They were one of the most common gifts in Jiggypuffland.

Wedding? Cookies. Birthday? Cookies. You were a good boy? Cookies. Feeling down in the dumps? Cookies. You drew something nice? Cookies.

Cookies could be used for anything.

And one could exchange Bodyparts for cookies. Due to reasons yet unknown, such transactions were irreversible, and cookies produced this way could not be converted back to Bodyparts. But the ones who performed such transactions were often fully prepared to never have their Bodyparts return. After all, most only traded small sums of Bodyparts, and it really wasn't that much a loss.

Until today, that is.

Caro and Kakushigo had been the largest players in the cookie exchange market, but the knowledge of how to convert Bodyparts to cookies had gotten out. And today, one woman was about to change her life, though she did not yet know it.

"Are you sure you wish to convert 358,000,000 Bodyparts to cookies?"

"Yes."

"Thank you. You have received 179,004,275 cookies."

Annie hummed cheerfully as she pulled the trailer back to her home. That sure was a lot of cookies.

The moment she opened the trailer, though, she began to regret it. The smell of cookies was overpowering; it knocked her back like a good uppercut. And if those crumbs got on her carpet, ugh, vacuuming would be so much work. Not that she was going to bring all those cookies into her home, but still! That was always a valid concern.

Perhaps this wasn't so great after all.

You know those ideas that suddenly seem like the worst in the world only after you've actually gone through with them, but you have absolutely no way of reversing it? Yeah, this was one of those. Annie was absolutely fucked over by this unholy amount of cookies. It was simply unbelievable. Just what had driven her to convert that many Bodyparts into cookies? It wasn't even reversible.

And then it hit her.

Unless she did something about those cookies, she would be stuck with all these damn cookies, _forever_.

“Oh, Dage,” Annie groaned, finally hit by the absurdity of her actions. “I’m drowning in cookies.”

Thus, she did what anyone faced by a situation would attempt to do: give them away to the next person on the street.

"Hey, Mirai!" Annie greeted, holding up a bag of ten thousand cookies. "Want some cookies?"

"That would be nice, but..." Mirai frowned. "I'm on my way to work right now."

"It's fine, it's fine!" Annie dumped the bag onto a L-trolley, probably breaking several of them at the bottom in the process, and put the trolley handle in Mirai's hands. "You can eat those for lunch! Or give them to the casino-goers."

"Uh, okay."

"Oh, hey Dani!" Annie waved to the little tomato that was bouncing up the path. "Want some cookies?"

"I don't even have any hands to hold them, though-" Dani faltered as it saw a L-trolley with the bulging bag of cookies on it. "What? You're giving me that many?"

"You haven't had breakfast, have you? Take some!" Annie offered enthusiastically, completely ignoring the fact that it was almost noon. Breakfast? More like brunch. But then again, details, details! They were worth jack shit when you were trying to get the cookies off your hands as soon as possible. "Besides, you're such a dear, of course you should have some cookies!"

Yep, she was just making up bullshit excuses to get them off her hands now.

No one questioned where she got that many L-trolleys or large plastic bags for the cookies. She just kept handing them out to literally anyone who came down the street, whether it was her own mother or a stranger or the young cute priest who had recently begun blessing adventurers on adventures. Cookies for everyone!

Sadly, it was still not enough. She had so many cookies that simply giving them out by the ten thousand was far from enough to get rid of her cookie woes.

"What should I do..." Annie sighed, sitting down in the town square. "At this rate, I'll never get rid of them all..."

Then she looked up and saw the Cookie Leaderboard. It showed the number of cookies everyone had. She was unmistakably the first place.

Oh, dear goodness.

~~

It seemed just like any other normal day, except that everyone had found out about the cookie conversion secret and they were now struggling to hide it from the richest people in Jiggypuffland.

"Hide the evidence!" Annie screeched, shoving the receipts in the trash. "You too, Jaytee!"

"Okay!" Jaytee crumpled up the receipts as much as he could, tossing them into the bin as fast as he could.

"No one's coming this way," Vivi reported, sticking her head out the doorway.

"Whew..." Annie wiped her brow. The three of them had managed to hide the evidence of the conversions.

But the cookies still remained.

"Maybe I'll give ten thousand to Orin and Vivi at their wedding," she decided. "Ten thousand each."

"Annie, you'll prepare the cookie dowry then," Jaytee said, munching on a cookie. "Haigi's gonna prepare the chicken dowry. Or the chicken feast, whichever they want. He's got all the chickens."

"Oh, you're too kind," Vivi laughed. "A chicken feast would be nice, though."

"Maybe I need to start giving them in hundred-thousand batches..." Annie muttered, staring at the cookies in the trailer.

"I saw cookies flying. What's going on?"

Luka had dropped in, maybe attracted by the scent of freshly-baked cookies, maybe attracted by the madness that had just occurred.

"Annie is having a cookie crisis," Jaytee said honestly, pointing to his younger sister who certainly looked much older than himself.

"I'm drowning in cookies," Annie added tiredly, holding up a chocolate-chip cookie.

And then she got an idea.

If you tried to steal someone's cookies and failed, you would have to pay a penalty for attempted theft. With her current amount of cookies, what would happen if she tried to steal from someone and failed? There was such a high chance of failing, too...

Her gaze landed on Luka, who had absolutely no idea what was about to happen.

"Hey, Mother!" she yelled, sticking her hand into Luka's pocket. "Cookies or your life!"

"Gah!" Luka jumped away from her, nearly whacking her with his spellbook. God knows why the fuck he had that on him even though he wasn't adventuring. "The fuck, Annie?!"

" _YOU WERE CAUGHT TRYING TO STEAL LUKA'S COOKIES. YOUR PENALTY IS 33819044 COOKIES, WHICH SHALL BE GIVEN TO LUKA._ "

"Wh- What the-" Annie spluttered as a second smaller trailer appeared, filled with what was presumably the stated amount of cookies. At the same time, a portion of her cookies disappeared. The penalty, probably. "HOLY SHIT!"

"PpftahahhahaHHAHAA," Jaytee laughed, doubling over. "Annie!"

"Hey, Luka, didn't you say you wanted to go to Jinlin together-" Star came up to them, awed by the sheer amount of cookies present. "Ooh, Luka, did you get all those cookies? Nice."

"Oi," Luka uttered, slowly lowering his spellbook. He turned towards Annie, who was still suppressing laughs. "OI!"

"Oh, goodness," Vivi chuckled, wiping a tear. "I'm so glad I stayed for this."

"Check this out." Jaytee pointed up at the Cookie Leaderboard.

Luka was now second place.

Of course, the first place was still Annie.

"Fucking hell, you're still number one anyways," he breathed, absolutely bowled over by this sudden development. "What was the point of that?"

"Oh?" Kakushigo had entered the area, and was now joining them in looking up at the Cookie Leaderboard. "Wifey is number two on the Cookie Leaderboard now."

"Hey, what if I steal from Annie?" Vivi wondered. She did the same steal-fail Annie had pulled on Luka.

" _YOU WERE CAUGHT TRYING TO STEAL ANNIE'S COOKIES. YOUR PENALTY IS 2919 COOKIES, WHICH SHALL BE GIVEN TO ANNIE._ "

"Oh." Vivi looked crestfallen. "That's not a lot."

Kakushigo, for whatever reason, also attempted a steal, except it was on someone who wasn't around. Star, too. Both of them got penalties, although not as devastatingly huge as the one Annie had received.

"Are we just trying to keep Annie at the top now?" Luka wondered, also attempting a steal.

" _YOU WERE CAUGHT TRYING TO STEAL SOME POOR RANDO'S COOKIES. YOUR PENALTY IS 1970374 COOKIES, WHICH SHALL BE GIVEN TO SOME POOR RANDO._ "

Everyone looked up at the Cookie Leaderboard.

Luka was still second place.

"OH MY GOD," Luka yelled, throwing his spellbook. It disappeared before it could hit anything.

Annie and Jaytee were dying of laughter. Vivi was on the verge of dying, too.

"I'm still fucking #2?" Luka shook his fist at the Cookie Leaderboard. "The fuck? The fuck???"

"HAHAHAHAHAHA," Annie cackled. "Do you see now? You too are drowning in cookie!"

Luka rolled his eyes.

"Why are all my children like this," he grumbled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI, I'm a wizard in Dage adventuring. Been a wizard ever since I started playing this whole adventure thing.  
> I never mentioned it previously, but in-universe, Luka uses magic spells against the demons they fight.  
> ...yes, they're just fighting generic demons whenever they go on their adventures.  
> (Would you rather I have them fight generic demons, or the characters from Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation?
> 
> Yeah, I thought so.)


	2. fight! fight! fight!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The war begins.  
> Cookies fly.  
> Do people die?  
> No, this is a war without blood.  
> Only crumbs.

"Haigi."

"Yes, Mother?"

"Come take a look at this."

"Oh..." Haigi nodded, looking at the insanely high numbers at the top of the Cookie Leaderboard. "I did see the cookie tsunamis going around." Although, looking at those numbers, it felt like even 'tsunami' was an understatement.

"Cookies. Baked dough disks. Sugar bombs. Tooth terrorists. Chocolate chip chucklefucks," Luka groaned, flopping to the ground. "I have so many of them...uuuuuuuuuuughhh this is bullshit."

Naturally, he began to give the cookies away as well, starting from the family tomato.

"Yay~" Dani was making a feast out of a cookie, despite its apparent lack of a stomach. And teeth. And tongue. And a lot of things, really. "Cookies!"

"9999 more to go," Luka reminded, turning around to pass Mirai a huge bag of ten thousand cookies. "Here, you have some too, Mirai."

"Oh, thank you." This time, Mirai wasn't on her way to work, so she was more accepting of the cookies.

Jingtian and Qieyu got ten thousand cookies each as soon as they came into the town square----no one knew how the fuck Luka saw them coming from that far off, but they walked in and BAM! Cookies. The man had his ways.

"Aiya, Luka, don't you know my cookies are only for my wife," Qieyu commented. "They'll go to my wife anyway."

"Mhmm." Jingtian was already munching on his share.

Luka's gaze landed on Annie, who was looking at the cookies in her trailer.

"Hey, Annie..." Luka ran over as fast as he could while holding a bag of ten thousand cookies, threw it into her trailer, and ran back to his own. "Think fast!"

Annie looked at the cookies. Then at the bag. Then at Luka.

Luka had just given her ten thousand cookies, when she already had this many?! Absurd! Unthinkable! Unforgivable! This was only adding on to her cookie woes! What a mother Luka was being! The nerve! _The nerve!_

(Of course, she had conveniently forgotten that she had done even worse to her poor mother, but apparently people are stupid that way. SMH.)

Either way, unfilialness or piety or whatever be damned. She was livid.

"You give Annie cookie?!" she screeched, pointing at Luka as she stormed up to him. "JAIL! JAIL FOR A THOUSAND YEARS!"

"Annie, I am your god damn mother," Luka replied, flicking his bangs in her direction. "You be quiet." Also, civilians had no right to sentence people to jail, so he wasn't all that concerned. Children could be so silly that it was cute. Aww.

"I DISOWN MY PARENTS!" Annie yelled, stomping her foot for good measure.

Wow. Power move. Even Kakushigo had been roped in, and he hadn't even done a thing. He didn’t _know_ a thing, either, since he was already back in church performing his priestly duties.

All this fuss caught the attention of Haigi, who was swinging through town to deliver chickens to wherever they were wanted. Of course, as the responsible eldest, he was concerned about this----why was his youngest sister suddenly renouncing the family?

"Aww, Annie, why must you leave us just for the cookies," he sighed.

"You know," Jingtian piped up, sticking in from god-knows-where, "I could take you in as a stepchild if you want."

But Annie had had enough. She was done. No more families! No more parents! Enough of that, thank you very much.

"No," she declared, putting her foot down. Literally. Her shoe was pretty loud against the cobblestones. "Annie is free now. Free from all family. Free from backstabbing cookie-givers." And free from the convention of referring to yourself in first-person, apparently. Why the sudden third-person?

Luka couldn't care less about any of that, though. There was nothing much to hold on to here, especially since Annie never lived with them in the first place. Aster too. Heck, both his daughters were strong independent women who didn't need no mama, and that was fine by him. Totally!

Haigi wasn't about to give up any time soon, though. His feelings would get through to Annie, he was sure of it! He would have to try again to keep Annie in the family.

"Annie," he began, as gently as he could, "Father has not forsaken you. I have Father's cookie allowance here for you-"

Big mistake. Cookies were the most sensitive topic right about now. Bringing those up would only make things worse.

"I DISOWN MY α SIBLING," Annie roared, with the ferocity of Son Goku powering up into Super Saiyan mode.

"Ooh, sad," Haigi sighed, wiping a small tear from his eye.

"I drown in cookie and you _give me more_?!" Annie was fully, truly furious now. Her brother! Her dear brother of the α Pact was doing this to her! He was a filthy traitor! She would stand him no longer! Off with his sibling relation!!

To that, Haigi just said, "Yes." Father's cookie allowance couldn't go to waste, after all.

"RENOUNCED!" Annie stomped her foot again.

"Well, it is all in Father's will." Haigi shrugged, slowly resigning himself to his new life.

At least he had tried. If Annie wouldn't even listen to her eldest brother, then he didn’t know what else to do. Things were going to be different from now on.

Or maybe not, because Annie already lived alone, and there wasn't going to be anything like leaving with a crash of the front door, which would lead to some subplot where Annie got scammed or kidnapped or targeted by some crime syndicate due to her living alone...or whatever dramatic nonsense they liked to show in melodramas and soap operas.

~~

Luka was _far_ from done with the cookies.

He had just come back from giving ten thousand to Paint, another Dageist priest in the church. Ah, priests and their priestly priestness. Holy men were the best, oh yes, they were.

"Have a nice day~" Luka called, walking away from the church backwards. Anything to get another eyeful of that handsome young fellow.

Then it struck him. If he was giving cookies to priests like Paint anyway, what about his own husband? Kakushigo was a priest too. He couldn’t be biased, now, could he? Cookies for priests! That was only right!

"Let’s give him..." Luka tapped his pen against the counter as he looked at the form. "Ah. Twenty million should do the trick."

He filled out the cookie transfer form, signed it, gave it a kiss for good measure because he was weird that way, and handed it in. Just like that, twenty million cookies were transferred from him to Kakushigo. Paperwork was processed insanely quickly in Jiggypuffland, so this was no biggie! The only consequences would be like, well, maybe the wrath of the recipient or the crushing guilt of having done such a bullshit thing to a loved one, but Luka had none of that guilt. Also, fuck consequences when you’re in the moment.

Meanwhile, Haigi was hanging out at Annie’s place, even though the latter had already renounced him as a brother.

"Oh??" He looked at his cookie balance. "I got another one million cookies from Mother?"

Annie was counting the Bodyparts she had. With this amount of Bodyparts...the conversion rate was two Bodyparts to one cookie, so she would be able to get 124,953,787 cookies.

"Maybe I should give all those cookies to Luka," she mused. They weren’t mother(??) and daughter any more, so why not?

"Eeh, another six million?!?!" Haigi exclaimed. "Is Mother trying to fatten me up for the winter?!"

~~~~~

Today was torture.

After being surrounded by cookie-smell in bulk, Luka could no longer perceive things properly.

Also, heck if he knew, but he was itching to bite things. Anything to distract himself from the accursed stench of chocolate chip chucklefuck. Even a baby’s teething ring would do at this point, but he’d never had babies, so he didn’t own anything of the sort.

There was another solution, though, and it probably had something to do with the fact that Haigi’s fingers were looking more and more like giant oversized chocolate P*cky sticks by the minute.

Would they snap if he bit them...

"ACK! Mother? What’s the matter?"

Oh, so they wouldn’t snap. They weren't P*cky sticks after all.

"Mother, please don't bite things in front of you just because you're hungry," Haigi sighed, wiping his hands with a wet wipe.

"I'm not hungry," Luka muttered, shaking his head slowly. "Not at all."

"Still, maybe we should get you something to eat..."

Just then, Annie happened to walk by them. Upon recognising them, she tried to walk past as fast as she could. Even though she and Luka were no longer parent and child, she did feel a little bit guilty about disowning Haigi, so she didn't want to hang around for too long-

CHOMP.

"Argh!" Annie jumped back, disturbed by what had just happened. Did Luka just...bite her on the neck?! How dare he...?!

"See, you really are hungry, Mother!" Haigi quickly pulled Luka back. "Let's go-"

"HOW DARE!" Annie hissed, immediately pulling out a cookie transfer form. Apparently Luka wasn't the only one who knew where to get those. "More cookies for you!" She filled out a transfer request for a hundred thousand cookies and sent it to the nearest paperwork processing place.

As she left, Jingtian and Qieyu came up to them, wondering what the fuss was all about and generally being nosy neighbours.

Luka's eyes flashed with that sort of gleam you see only in chibified anime characters who have evil intentions, and indeed, his intentions were most evil. Peak villainy. God would tremble up in Heaven, except these people had no idea who God was. They only knew Dage, the Lord Almighty, the Biggest Brother.

He bit Jingtian right on the ear.

Of course, human ears aren't like cat ears where they have permanent holes once another cat bites them during whatever kinky shit cats get up to, so Jingtian's ears weren't hurt, but oh boy, doing that right in front of his husband was like asking to be beaten 'til your insides became your outsides.

"Luka..." Qieyu cracked his knuckles menacingly. "I know we're neighbours, but I never knew you looked at my wifey that way..."

To that, Luka simply raised Qieyu's hand to his mouth and chomped.

"You-" Qieyu drew his hand back at once. "What are you doing?!"

"What does it look like?" Luka grinned. "Everything is cookies and nothing hurts."

"Well, for one thing, my fingers hurt-" Qieyu held his hand up indignantly, trying to show the damage that had been done, and saw Luka's teeth come together around Vivi's arm. "What?"

Whatever the hell was wrong with this guy? Was he still human, even?

"Uh...Luka?" Vivi pushed Luka back, watching him warily to make sure he didn't come back for a second attempt. You never knew if that kind of thing could happen twice. Especially around guys like these.

"DON'T THINK I'M DONE WITH YOU YET!"

Annie lunged towards her ex-mother, jaws open as far as human limits allowed, but alas, she was too slow. For, as a serial biter, Luka could predict the movements of other serial biters----even if he had only become a serial biter on this day. And even if he wouldn’t bite anyone ever again after this day.

What happened next was not to be described, lest there be children around to hear.

"Oh, for goodness’ sake, when will Father come back," Haigi groaned, dragging a snarling Luka behind him as he left the scene.


	3. it was the alcohol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drink responsibly. Avoid cookies. Don’t give your spouse 20 million cookies no matter how much you love them. Protect your kneecaps.  
> This has been a public service announcement.

"Wifey, I’m home~"

For once, Kakushigo didn’t see Luka appear within five seconds. Luka would usually show up the moment he heard the door, and if it was his husband, he’d be over the moon. But not today, it seemed.

Where could Luka be?

He walked into the kitchen. There was no one around, but the bottle of wine he’d gifted to his Wifey earlier in the week was sitting on the counter...No, upon closer inspection, the bottle had been opened and was now empty.

That wasn’t too reassuring.

Realising that he hadn’t gotten the day’s mail, he went back outside to check the mailbox. There was a letter informing him that he had received a grand total of twenty million cookies from...Luka? Why would Luka give him that many cookies?

Kakushigo quickly checked the leaderboard listings on TV. Sure enough, he was at the top of the Cookie Leaderboard, thanks to the twenty million cookies.

Oh, for Dage’s sake. Just how drunk had Luka been to give him _twenty million_ cookies? Even for him, someone who had once stood at the top of the cookie exchange market, that was a grotesque number.

Speaking of the man, just where _was_ he?

Then Kakushigo saw that the trapdoor leading to the basement now had a piece of paper stuck on it. "DO NOT OPEN", it said. He didn’t remember leaving a note like that. Did something happen?

With all the curiosity of the first victim in a horror movie, he went down into the basement.

Luka was asleep in the middle of the basement floor.

" _Wifey_?" Kakushigo exclaimed. "Why are you sleeping here?"

Luka didn’t reply, because it would be creepy as hell if a sleeping person did that.

"Very well..." The good priest flexed his arms, getting ready to haul his Wifey off the floor. "Let’s get you out of here first, shall w-"

"H, heheh..." Luka giggled, raising a fist and taking a weak swing at something unseen in front of him----dreaming, maybe? "You like...the cookies? Take 'em all...yaaaaa..."

Cute, but it couldn’t possibly be healthy to sleep on the basement floor just like that. Ignoring Luka’s drunken(?) sleep-talking, Kakushigo hauled him out of the basement, going all the way to their room upstairs.

Not even being dumped on the bed made Luka wake up, but when Kakushigo bent down and whispered 'Wifey' in his ear, that goddamned son of a poker deck woke up at once. Damn, this guy was more obedient than he let on.

"Nn...huh?" Luka sat up, his gaze unfocused as he looked around him. "I’m...is this our room?"

"Answer me one question." Kakushigo pointed outside the window. A copy of the Cookie Leaderboard appeared. "What is that all about?"

Luka avoided his stern gaze.

"Uh..."

"Why did you give me twenty million cookies?" Kakushigo questioned, holding Luka by the cheeks so that he couldn’t look anywhere else. "Hmm?"

"The alcohol," Luka mumbled, lowering his gaze. "It was the alcohol."

Oh, so it really did have something to do with the emptied bottle.

"That was my first time drinking, and I guess..." Luka hung his head. "It just seemed like such a good idea after I gave Paint one hell of a good time..."

"You did what?" Kakushigo was smiling in the same way a serial killer gazing upon his dying victims did.

"Oh wait, no, I didn’t actually...I just gave him ten thousand cookies!...Uh...Father...?" Luka shrank back. "No, see, that was a slip of the tongue, I didn’t do anything- Father??"

"Off the bed," Kakushigo simply ordered, pointing in the corresponding direction. "Now."

Once Luka was off the bed, he sat at the edge of the bed with his legs spread.

"Kneel," he said quietly, pointing between his feet.

Luka gulped.

Was this what he thought it would be?

Oh, god, this was so going to hurt...

"Kneel," Kakushigo repeated in a firmer tone, holding his hand in place. "It’s time to face the consequences of what you did, Luka."

No more cutesy name-calling. He was getting serious.

Resigning himself to his fate, Luka knelt, keeping his head low.

"Look up."

Oh, hell no, this was going to be THAT, wasn’t it?

Fearing the worst, he looked up.

Kakushigo leaned forward slightly, extending a hand.

"It is time you acted your age, Wifey, you aren’t a child anymore," he began, wagging a finger at Luka. "Don’t dump so many cookies on other people just because you don’t want them. Food is not to be played with blah blah blah..."

What.

So he was just going to scold like a normal naggy husband...

Luka stared blankly, barely registering anything said as Kakushigo yakked on.

Oh, for fuck’s sake.

~~~~~

"Wifey..."

"The hell?! Stop sniffing me." Luka wriggled away from Kakushigo, only to be pulled back into the latter’s arms at once. "Oi!"

"You smell good. Delicious." Kakushigo nuzzled against his neck, inhaling deeply. "Like...cookies."

Luka pinched his forehead, rolling his eyes as Kakushigo fell asleep in that position.

_That’s exactly what I was afraid of. It’s the smell, damnit. You’re gonna eat me up one day if I hold on to all those cookies._

~The End~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, this whole chapter is only here because Kakushigo wanted an explanation for their sudden #1 ranking on the cookie leaderboard (and possibly the biting done through Mantaro), and all I could think of was, "it was the alcohol".  
> Alcohol is a gift you can give people under the marriage cog if it’s enabled, and I did get some before the whole thing happened, so I took that and ran to Hell and back with it.
> 
> Also, for the record, I’ve never actually drunk alcohol before, so I have absolutely no idea what may happen if I drink it.


End file.
